I'm sorry
by sunsetblossom
Summary: Enough is enough. Give up. Go home. Back to what things were like before. GxR -Gin/Rangiku Birthday-
1. Ichimaru Gin

**さようなら, ごめんね  
Gin**

_I'm sick and tired of playing these games.  
__I don't wanna keep living a lie.  
__I miss you._

The nightmare started a century ago. Though then, it was more like a dream to me than a terrible mistake.

I joined Aizen in hopes of power, thinking that, for _some_ reason, he would somehow give me more than being a Captain of the Gotei 13. To a young me, he was a father I never had. An idol.

_A god._

He promised to give me anything I wanted. And in exchange, I was his right-hand man, doing his bidding and following his footsteps. It was foolish, but at the time, it wasn't.  
He could give me anything?  
What a load of shit.

_Could he promise me you?_

Remember the day we met?  
The day that became your birthday?  
From that day on, my life was yours. I wanted to be there for you. Everything I did was for you. I entered the Shinigami Academy – for you. Even if it didn't feel that way to you, it _was_.  
I dreaded leaving you by yourself, but I forced myself to believe that it was for the best.

_Was it?_

The academy was wonderful.  
I worked so hard and learned so much. I felt so… _successful_. Like I was on the top of the world.

Not like Aizen.  
And of course, that was before he entered the picture.

I graduated from the Academy only a year after I entered. Sure, I was a prodigy. But smart?

_Don't make me laugh._

I showed my worth – and got dumped into that division. 5th Division, under the eyes of Hirako and Aizen.  
I guess everything was already screwed up by then.  
Being known as a prodigy, I quickly became trapped. I got addicted. To power. To status. To things I _thought_ I needed to be happy and successful.  
Things that Aizen claimed he could give me.

_I didn't realize that all I needed was you._

After I became the third seat of 5th Division, I barely saw you anymore. I knew you entered the Academy as well, but I was already long gone. Already under Aizen's wing. Lieutenant, Captain – I've been it all.

_Traitor_.

I've even held the title of traitor. I guess I still have that name.

_Can I get rid of that one?_ 'Traitor'? Who the hell wants to be labeled as a 'traitor'? Maybe just Aizen.  
But I don't. Especially when it's you I'm betraying.

_I'm weak_.  
I've had so many chances to escape. To forfeit. To run. But I didn't.  
_I'm scared.  
_Once Aizen began talking of killing all of Central 46 and the Ouin, and leaving Soul Society, I knew this was wrong.  
_But I never did anything.  
_Maybe I should have. Running is also a coward's solution. But it's better than what I have now. What I have now; this isn't a life. Hueco Mundo has no life.

If I turned on Aizen – or even killed him – would that be okay?

I know nobody would want me back. Especially Yama-ji.

But I give up. Damn it all, I give up. I should never have joined him in the first place.

You know what I wanted? To be a good Soul Reaper. To be a good captain to Izuru. To have friends among the Gotei 13. To pick those dried persimmons in my garden.  
_To have more time with you_.  
_To have a life._

And that's why…  
_I want to come home.__I'm sick and tired of playing these games.  
__I don't wanna keep living a lie.  
__I miss you.  
__Can you forgive me?_

**_Can you forgive me?_**

**_---_**

* * *

Gin and Rangiku, a great pair. ^_^  
This is my treat for their birthdays: Gin today, September 10th. Rangiku's will come a bit later on her birthday.  
I totally believe Gin's good. So here's a sliver of my thoughts on him.

Happy birthday, Ichimaru Gin.


	2. Matsumoto Rangiku

**Rangiku**

_Where are you going?  
__What are you planning to do?_

You're always leaving without telling me where you're going.  
Why?

Back then, I had given up. I was ready to die.  
But you showed up.  
You showed up and stuffed a _something_ down my throat –  
And saved my life.

Then…  
When you gave me a birthday.  
Did you even realize how happy that made me? How my heart was jumping around like crazy in my chest?  
I finally had something to treasure.

No.

I now had two things to treasure.  
A birthday, and…  
You.

But why?  
Why did you give me these _precious_ treasures - just to take it away again?

One day, you just disappeared.  
It was like any other day, I guess. You would just leave before I wake up. But you always came back.

Not this time.  
Minutes went by. Minutes became hours. Hours became days.  
I suppose you did mention leaving for the Academy.  
But couldn't you have taken me along?

Was I not strong enough?  
Not smart enough?  
Not good enough?  
Why did you leave me like that?

Years later, I finally got into the Academy. I finally had a chance to see you again.  
How was I to know that you were already long gone?  
You were somewhere deep within the Gotei 13, already forced to do things that no child should have to do.

Do you know why I saved Hitsugaya-taicho? Why I told him to become a Shinigami?  
Because he looked like you.  
He was so powerful, so young…  
Like you so many years ago.

_Where are you going?  
__What are you planning to do?_

I knew you were up to something.  
Everyone did. Especially Hitsugaya-taicho.

Were you forced? By Aizen? Or was it from your own free will?  
Please don't say this is what you planned.  
I know it isn't.  
I know that you knew this was wrong.  
I know you better than that.

Why did you leave me? Why did you leave us?

Kira is still distressed, still believing that it was his fault.  
How _could_ you scare an innocent boy like this?  
You're better than that. I know it.

Is Aizen that much more important than us? Tosen?  
The Arrancars? They're not even human!

I'm tired of this. Aren't you tired of playing this game?  
I know it's a game to you.  
I _know_ you want to come home.

So come home already.

Do you know what I wanted? To be happy in life and be happy for the people around me. To live happily with the savior of my life. To be able to look up to my superiors and work alongside them.

_To have more time with you_.

_To have a life._

To be _happy_.

**_---_**

* * *

Just putting this out there for interpretation.  
This is my treat for Gin and Rangiku's birthdays: Rangiku's birthday is today.  
Gin and Rangiku are beautiful together. ^_^

Happy birthday, Matsumoto Rangiku.


End file.
